Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The End Of An Era

So last Friday marked a new season in my life. All three of my children are in school now. A few years ago the thought of it would have had me dancing in the streets, but when the day approached my heart responded differently. The night before my daughter started Kindergarten I laid in bed with her and watched her sleep and scanned each detail of her beautiful face while my silent tears soaked her pillow. The morning of, I held it together with finesse. I packed her Tinker Bell lunchbox with a smile, did her hair and slipped on her backpack with a smile, and then walked her down the hall to her room with a smile. And then the floodgates released. I got in the van, told my husband I needed a moment, and then started the UGLY cry that lasted the entire ride home and into the first half hour I was home, as I used up the leftover restaurant napkins we had stashed in the glove compartment. I was a mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm OKAY with the fact that during the day I am home alone to get things done and have more time to write. That's a given with a hallelujah hand raise towards Heaven. But I needed to grieve the fact that life was changing and my baby was no longer a baby.  For a DECADE all I have done is stayed at home and raised my kids. I have hopefully done my job to prepare and guide them as they step out into the "school world". Problem with this? SHE IS 5 years old! Oy! So I just needed some time to mourn that my season of taking care of babies and toddlers had come to a close. That I was now a parent to all school-aged kids. That the years that slipped by so quickly when they were toddlers, would slip by even quicker now. That slowly they will need me less and less. The hugs and kisses will decrease while the eye rolls will increase. But my husband reminds me that this is a good thing (not the eye-rolls, the independence), because this is what we have been training for. This moment is what the sleepless nights, reading books, playing games, disciplining, working on the alphabet a million times, pouring into them every minute of the day is all about. FREEDOM. Just kidding. It's about training them as they begin their own life journey in becoming who God created them to be. "I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life." Proverbs 4:11-13

And just so you know, I'm doing better. Today I only got teary-eyed a little when she walked away.
 Progress, folks, progress.

I tried to get my oldest to take this picture with them, but instead he shooed me away with a flick of his wrist and a sigh of embarrassment, "Mooooooom!"
 5th GRADE

 And this is what I like to call...A long walk off a short pier!!!

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