On February 7th, 2003 my life changed forever, in the most wonderful way, when I stepped into the foreign role of becoming a wife. Oh how I wish my 35-year-old self could go back and give my 24-year-old self some advice. This is what I would say...
“Wives, submit to your husbands as
to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of
the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to
make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves
himself.”-Ephesians 5: 22-28
Call me sentimental, but since I just celebrated my 12th anniversary
with my husband I thought it fitting to spend some time in the word studying
about husbands, wives and this blessing (and yet really hard at times) called
marriage! As I reflected this last week, a few nuggets of truth came to mind:
#1 - Love is a choice – it’s not just a feeling, but a decision to love my
husband even when I don’t feel like it. #2 – I’m only responsible for myself.
Wait. What? Yep, I can’t control my husband’s attitude, but I can control mine.
I can’t control how he responds to a situation or argument, but I can control
how I do. #3 – My source of joy can’t be found in Greg. When I expect him, not
God, to fill me with joy, I will always set him up for failure and I’ll be
disappointed. #4 – Change is inevitable. I am a different person since I got married
over a decade ago, and so is my husband. The key is to change together, to move
in the same direction (together) instead of apart. Stay in the word, keep open
communication (with my husband and God), and don’t be afraid of change but
embrace it! BUT, and a big but, I can’t change my husband, only God can. #5-
The best thing I can do for my kids is show and tell them how much I love their
father. By being a great example to them of a healthy-loving-respectful
marriage and to also give them reassurance. So what does God say about
marriage? What better place to start than at the beginning with Adam and Eve. Genesis
2:18-23 “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will
make a helper suitable for him. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So
the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was
sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he
brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh
of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.’” I
love God’s creativeness in illustrating the symbol of marriage by becoming one
flesh. As husband and wife we were created and equipped for different tasks,
but all these lead to the same goal – honoring God. When we become one with our
husband it doesn’t mean that we lose our personality or cover up who we are.
Instead, it means caring for him as you care for yourself, putting his needs before
your own and helping him become the person God desires for him to be. Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one
flesh.” I found these words three times throughout the Bible as I was
studying – um, I think God was trying to get his point across. I think of this
verse and how it amplifies an oneness of marriage. As I kept reading this verse
over and over it made me think that it’s not only physical, but emotional as
well. I cannot have oneness with my husband if I am sharing things about myself
to others, but not to him. I cannot have oneness with my husband if I am
constantly seeking counsel from others, but not from him. I cannot have oneness
with my husband if I am giving so much to others, but not as much to him. I
cannot have oneness with my husband when I desire more for myself than for him.
Do any of these statements ring true to you? Ask God to show you an area in
your life where you are creating a wall to be formed between you and your
husband.
Heavenly Father, thank you for
creating this wonderful gift of marriage. The perfect example of how you love
the church, you have asked that I love my husband. Work in me today to help
identify the areas in which I am lacking. Bring unity between me and my husband
and help me to knock down any walls I have begun to build that has caused our
oneness to be split. Amen.